Boys, boys, boys

My poor little neglected blog..

I blame the new boy. I've gone from a 'me' to an 'us' in about 60 seconds flat. Whirlwind is most definitely the appropriate term here..

It's amazing. Passionate, Intense, Loving, Mind-blowing ;-). I'm doing things I never do, experiencing things I never have. Knocked sideways and every which way.

Wow!

Scream!

Back to the blog soon though... :-)




Today's favourite song: Timbaland 'Scream'

Laffin'

Frankly, laughter is a bloody necessity when you think your life has gone down the toilet and you feel like death warmed up...

Remember ventriloquism??! I hadn't seen any for an age when I came across these.. and they had me rolling around the floor..

Three of my faves:

Nina Conti


Paul Zerdin


Jeff Dunham



Today's favourite song: Paramore, 'When It Rains'

Natty rocks

Saw him live last night.

Wow, he was just amazing.. felt like he woke up every bone in my body.

Feels so good to feel his music; feel the words

Loving this man...

First in the queue to get the album:


Loving this song (Bedroom Eyes) {shiver} does sumthin' to me:



Today's favourite song: Natty, 'Last night'

Things I Am Grateful For. Part 2.

M.E.

I know what you're thinking... Are you ker-azy..??!! Hear me out!

Ok, so amongst the raging fevers, the crippling pain, the days in bed, the lack of energy, the lack of income, the myriad of cancellations, maybe I'm not so grateful, but when I look at the Big Picture, and look at who I am now, and who I was then, I am very grateful.

Why?

Because through m.e., I have learnt happiness. I'm talking about actual, bona fide, non-fleeting happiness, happiness that comes from deep inside. And it is real. And it is genuine.

Before, I wasn't a particularly happy person, not inside. I was eternally searching for it; through spirituality, consumerism, work, relationships, anywhere and everywhere. I constantly suffered because of it, through eating disorders, addictions, self-destruction. I questioned life incessantly and always got the same answer: 'Love Is Everything'. But I didn't believe it. I thought that far too simplistic and obvious to be true: and that love, I just couldn't find.

But just because it's simple, doesn't mean it isn't the truth.

Love is everything. It's love for oneself that is everything, and that is what m.e. has given me.

I was stripped of my life, my career, my money, my friends - in short, everything that makes up a 'life'. I became desperately ill. I visited many, many dark places. When you're life is taken, and you suffer intensely (physically, mentally, emotionally) you are taken to a place where you have a choice: you can hate yourself, berate yourself, blame yourself and despair, or you can search and find the real you inside, and love yourself, cherish yourself, take care of yourself and survive.

And in the craziness, that is what I did. And love for me is what I found.

So is it worth it? Well, don't ask me in the middle of a fever or when I'm doubled over in pain, but when my body is calmer, and I'm at a low 2 on the pain scale, then hell yeah, it's worth it.


Today's favourite (officially, my favourite ever, ever) song: Toure Kunda 'Emma'

About a boy

He's delicious

All cheekbones and luscious lips

Blue eyes and dirty laugh

Sure wasn't love at first sight,

Thought he was delicate; made of china..

Oh, how wrong I can be

Strong as a iron and spouting fire

Need to step back lest he gobble me up

Secret garden's waiting but can he find the key?


Today's favourite song: Icehouse, 'Man of Colours'

Reminiscence

Honestly what will become of me
Don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die die die die die

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Today's favourite song: Nelly Furtado, 'All Good Things'

Books

A couple of interesting books are winging their way to my bedside reading pile:

The Alchemy of Illness - Kat Duff

CFS is a call for soulwork - Gretchen Brooks Nassar

Am looking forward to gaining new perspectives on this illness business.

Reviews later.


Today's favourite song: Alphaville, 'Big in Japan'

Three Things I Wish For

Three things I wish for

1. A faster computer.
2. More money.
3. Sunshine.

Today's favourite song: Madonna, 'Spotlight'

Three Popular Misconceptions

Three popular misconceptions

1. That I sleep a lot = pain + sleep doth not a good combination make.
2. That my brain functions normally = um, that would be a no.
3. That I get bored = wrong again, you need energy to get bored with.

Today's favourite song: Madonna, 'Gambler'

Three Things I'm Looking Forward To

Three things I'm looking forward to:

1. No pain (yippeeeeeeee!).
2. More energy for my niece.
3. Dancin' (yeah!).

Today's favourite (spotted the theme yet? ;-)) song: Madonna, 'Pretender'.