M.E. survival kit_2

laughter

friends

sunshine


Today's favourite song: John Legend feat. Andre 3000, 'Greenlight'

Tips for coping

wear dresses in bed
get a cat
watch the little things
talk to your soul
love in the depths


Today's favourite song: Natalie Merchant, 'My Skin'

Serenity, Peace and Strength

6pm, Friday night, I am in bed. I am breathing slowly and chanting my favourite mantra...

serenity, peace and strength

(it gets me through some tough times)

Am in my jim jams, two cats under the duvet with me. My friends Lucozade and Ibuprofen sitting by my side.

The reason for this early retirement from the world is 'The Warning Signs'.

The Warning Signs are the signs I get that I am headed for am m.e. episode...

.....my limbs ache, my head is fuzzy, my chest and throat are sore, I feel very tired and very weak. When I get the warning signs I need to STOP and REST in order to stop the attack. Sometimes I'm too late, sometimes I'm ok. Tonight, I'm somewhere in between.

So, that is why, on a Friday night at 6pm I am in my jim jams and in bed.

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself, thinking about the revellers next door and how much fun they're having (i live next door to a pub). Sometimes I feel sad, for having been interrupted from doing something I love in order to force myself to rest. Sometimes I don't feel sad at all... like tonight.

I think about all the people out there who dearly wish that they could settle down in bed at 6pm on a Friday, with nothing to do and no one to see: all those cooking dinner for their families, all those still at work, all those starting their late shifts, all those still on their way home in the rain.

And here I am, all quiet, two cosy cats at my side, breathing slowly and deeply into the quiet.

..serenity, peace and strength.

..I. AM. Serenity ... Peace ... and Strength.

These precious words that keep my alive, keep me going, keep me brave, keep me strong.


Today's favourite song: Nas, 'Hero'

Hiatus

One of my boys is in trouble:


Looks like cancer

Looks like an op on Monday

Looks like I gotta be a strong momma

Every finger and toe crossed
Every angel called upon

Here's hoping for my boy


Today's favourite song: Shakira, 'Antologia'

Train wreck

Single again..

From 0-60-0. How Did That Happen??!!

What a train wreck..

{Long drawn out sigh}

Praps one day my life will be sorted - job, money, partner, own place, health, no debts.

But screw it, happiness is being happy where you're at right...?

So, here's to singleness, joblessness, own-homelessness, sickness and skintaspoonyness... but happYness. :-)



Today's favourite song (currently being mesmerised by it!): Friendly Fires, 'Jump in the Pool'

Wow, or, Jill Bolte Taylor's message

The scientific and the spiritual meet...



Today's favourite song: India Irie, 'Video'

Things I Am Grateful For. Part 2.

M.E.

I know what you're thinking... Are you ker-azy..??!! Hear me out!

Ok, so amongst the raging fevers, the crippling pain, the days in bed, the lack of energy, the lack of income, the myriad of cancellations, maybe I'm not so grateful, but when I look at the Big Picture, and look at who I am now, and who I was then, I am very grateful.

Why?

Because through m.e., I have learnt happiness. I'm talking about actual, bona fide, non-fleeting happiness, happiness that comes from deep inside. And it is real. And it is genuine.

Before, I wasn't a particularly happy person, not inside. I was eternally searching for it; through spirituality, consumerism, work, relationships, anywhere and everywhere. I constantly suffered because of it, through eating disorders, addictions, self-destruction. I questioned life incessantly and always got the same answer: 'Love Is Everything'. But I didn't believe it. I thought that far too simplistic and obvious to be true: and that love, I just couldn't find.

But just because it's simple, doesn't mean it isn't the truth.

Love is everything. It's love for oneself that is everything, and that is what m.e. has given me.

I was stripped of my life, my career, my money, my friends - in short, everything that makes up a 'life'. I became desperately ill. I visited many, many dark places. When you're life is taken, and you suffer intensely (physically, mentally, emotionally) you are taken to a place where you have a choice: you can hate yourself, berate yourself, blame yourself and despair, or you can search and find the real you inside, and love yourself, cherish yourself, take care of yourself and survive.

And in the craziness, that is what I did. And love for me is what I found.

So is it worth it? Well, don't ask me in the middle of a fever or when I'm doubled over in pain, but when my body is calmer, and I'm at a low 2 on the pain scale, then hell yeah, it's worth it.


Today's favourite (officially, my favourite ever, ever) song: Toure Kunda 'Emma'

Dang, I gotta face it..

Ok, so something is up. I know this because:

a) I am eating more than I need..(otherwise known as comfort eating)
b) I am craving alcohol..

Together, they always means the same thing: something is up and I just ain't facing it...

... so I eat to make me feel better.. and I drink to make it go away..

Except, I barely have any food in the house, so am eating mouldy rye crackers and (vegan) cream cheese. Both of which I'm sure would be disqualified from a comfort eating contest. I've also been tee total since October, and don't plan on changing any time soon, so I haven't actually had any alcohol either...

So no hiding for me then..!

Something is UP and I don't want to DEAL with it...

But know I have to, else I'll put on a stone and end up in a vat of cheeky vimto...

I know where it is, oh that hideous, ugly rotten dark place called.... The Past. And it's not the nice past either, oh no, the murky painful depths of memories you'd really really like to put in a box and watch sail away into the sunset.. but no, instead, I need to watch Dr. Phil and:

name it to claim it..!!
feel it to heal it...!!

Oh Dr. Phil, what fun that sounds, I just can't wait!!



Today's favourite song:U2 'The Ground Beneath Her Feet'

Vacation

I am on vacation!!!

It was a huge challenge. I planned to go, wait for it, ON MY OWN!!!

This revelation received a number of different reactions... terror at the thought... a turning-sideways-head pity look of a 'don't worry you'll have a husband one day too' ... and (my personal favourite) 'wow that's fantastic, what an adventure!' (Thanks Pen!)

It's not the travelling on my own per se that is the point here (I am the girl that went alone to South America at the age of 19). But it's my first trip alone since becoming ill. It is the first time that I am well enough to do something like take a holiday by myself. And oh, what joy it brings me... I CAN do it! I AM doing it!!

So, I am travelling around the beautiful countryside taking photos, marvelling at the scenery, laughing with strangers, cuddling their dogs. I still have to take it easy.. one day on, one day off. But on the off days I curl up in the beautiful cottage, watch the deer out of the window, listen to the owls, read a book, tip tap my feet to music . I joyfully bask in my own peace and serenity...

I raise a glass of juice, here's to many, many more solo travels. Hurray for me!!

Today's favourite song: Marcio Faraco, 'Ciranda'

Yes. I. Can.

I don't know much about U.S. politics. I don't know much about Barack Obama.

I do know hope, optimism, and vision, which is what I get from this video. Regardless of your particular political persuasion, just watch the video and take the message..'Yes We Can'. Turn it into a subjective message for yourself... 'Yes I Can'. DO whatever it is you're afraid of, SAY whatever it is that you're afraid of, BE whoever you're afraid to be. If you're skulking in the shadows, let the message sink into you. 'Yes You Can'.

Today's favourite song; Will.I.Am 'Yes We Can'