She's my angel in blue jeans.
She sees me out of a rut.
She listens to my moans.
She hugs away my tears.
She makes me laugh
She is beautiful.
She is talented.
She's my best mate.
Today's song: Wham, 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go'
29 August 2008
27 August 2008
i shout i scream I cry, and still he watches. I shout I thump I protest. And still, he watches. I won't I can't, no No NO, i say. He. Watches.
I reach for the floor, the bottom of my will, the end of my line. Tear my hair out, scream the house alive.. spit and holler...
i pant, i moan, i lie wounded. And still. He Does Not Move.
I'm quiet. I breathe softly. I go inside. I raise my arms.
He Moves. His arm stretches out. He lifts me up.
He rescues me.
Today's favourite song: Lucinda Williams, 'Rescue'
24 August 2008
I went to a festival recently, and the most extraordinary thing happened.
There I was, minding my own business, listening to a reggae band with ex-boy. The band finished and ex-boy wanted to go and congratulate the djembe player, which we did. He was about 40ish, hippie-ish and very smiley. As we turned to go, he gave each of us a great big bear hug..
Something happened in that bear hug...
All I felt when he hugged me was love. Huge, all encompassing, unconditional love. I couldn't let go. When I eventually did, thinking he must think I was a nutter.. I walked away and burst into a flood of tears.
I have never, ever, felt love like that... it was pure, it was huge, but most of all it was unconditional. It felt like that no matter what I did, what I said, or who I was.. I was loved..
Was he God in dreadlocks?? .. an angel in human form? .. an ordinary but exceptionally loving person..?
I don't think it matters.
What matters is the experience, and me never forgetting it, taking it with me and gripping it tightly to never let it go...
Today's song: Joan Osbourne, 'One of Us'
23 August 2008
One of the greatest challenges brought by m.e. is:
There are so many things that just break your heart in two if you let them...
Things you can't do, people you can't see, aches in your heart you can't fulfill...
I have this one this weekend. Someone I haven't seem for 17 years is in the country for a brief moment. I'm supposed to be driving down tonight to see them..
But I can't.
m.e. has me in her tight grip.
I want to rage, I want to beat myself.
But I have to let go
and not be mad
and be my own friend
and wrap me up in the tighest of embrace
Today's song: James Blunt, 'Wisemen'
...you just lose interest in life..?
haven't wanted to write
haven't wanted to blog
haven't wanted to photograph
haven't wanted to participate
This month has been... awful
I have lost myself.
Today's song: Sia, 'Breathe Me'
21 August 2008
Thought I would know an enemy a mile off
Thought I'd know instantly who they were
Thought I would stand like a giant to fight against them
Didn't know the enemy could be close
much, much closer than that
a sheep in wolf's clothing
a twisted caretaker
Those that say they love you aren't always telling you the truth.
Today's song: Eels, 'I Need Some Sleep'