23 March 2008
Here, at last, is my very first posting for Sunday Scribblings; a website I think is fabulous but that I haven't quite got round to joining yet. For those uninitiated, it is a website where a 'topic' is posted every week upon which to mull over and then produce a piece of writing.
For this week's choice - 'I just don't get it'- I chose a more frivolous interpretation....
I just don't get it..
..Why, oh why, oh why, (dear Lord ;-)) do I seem to incapable of looking after my CDs...?
This seemingly simple puzzle has confounded me for some time. I seem categorically unable to alphebetise, return to their plastic casings, or keep in one place any of my CDs, which although not strictly necessary in life, would make my listening pleasures that little bit easier to locate and play.
Is it because of a neglectful upbringing, where owned objects were not appreciated? Um, that would be a no. The cost and value of items in our household where regularly commented on and any spotted lackadaisacal attitude towards them was instantly reprimanded. My mother's voice commanding... "PUT IT BACK!!" also echoed endlessly through my childhood home whenever my many sisters and I had borrowed an item which she then discovered missing. So nor was the 'rightful place of things' neglected in my education.
Is it because I don't care? No. And I certainly like to think that I have the intelligence to know that a CD left out of its box will become scratched, lost and broken, often in that order... On scouring my small home for a missing CD, and upon finding it under my bed (or under my cat) I sigh heavily as I slowly make my way to the dustbin to dispose of it; quietly mourning the songs that I won't be listening too again in the near future..
Is it because I am so wealthy that I can afford to replace the CDs? That would be another no. CDs are currently an extra that cannot squeeze themselves into my meagre non-working-person budget. They firmly reside on the 'one day when I'm earning again' shopping list... along with most other luxury goods..
Is it because of a reluctance to bring an order to my life? Ah, I think I've hit on something here. There is something so 'settling' so 'succumbing' so well, 'boring' about an ordered CD collection. Somehow the state of my CDs is the mircrocosm of my life. Do I want my life alphebetised, clean and ordered? um... that would be a most definite, resounding, NO..
So actually, when all is said and done... I do get it... ;-)
Today's favourite song: Carlos Vives 'La Gota Fria'
I just love it when I come across a piece of writing that takes me out of the ordinary and deposits me in the extra-ordinary...
These are two such examples...
Taken from 'A Return to Love' by Marianne Williamson
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I read this paragraph when I'm feeling frightened, insecure, unsure of what lies ahead and it always, but always, gives me peace.
Taken from 'Stargirl' by Jerry Spinelli
"She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew... "
I read this book just recently and want to give it to every person I pass on the street. It is a book where, after reading it, you are never quite the same again. It embraces you, cocoons you, then sets you free to be your own 'stargirl'.
Today's favourite song: Ralph Vaughn Williams 'Lark Ascending':
IF you are looking for hope, if you are looking for inspiration, if you are lost in your darkest hour, you will find peace in the above...
19 March 2008
I am on vacation!!!
It was a huge challenge. I planned to go, wait for it, ON MY OWN!!!
This revelation received a number of different reactions... terror at the thought... a turning-sideways-head pity look of a 'don't worry you'll have a husband one day too' ... and (my personal favourite) 'wow that's fantastic, what an adventure!' (Thanks Pen!)
It's not the travelling on my own per se that is the point here (I am the girl that went alone to South America at the age of 19). But it's my first trip alone since becoming ill. It is the first time that I am well enough to do something like take a holiday by myself. And oh, what joy it brings me... I CAN do it! I AM doing it!!
So, I am travelling around the beautiful countryside taking photos, marvelling at the scenery, laughing with strangers, cuddling their dogs. I still have to take it easy.. one day on, one day off. But on the off days I curl up in the beautiful cottage, watch the deer out of the window, listen to the owls, read a book, tip tap my feet to music . I joyfully bask in my own peace and serenity...
I raise a glass of juice, here's to many, many more solo travels. Hurray for me!!
Today's favourite song: Marcio Faraco, 'Ciranda'
14 March 2008
I don't know much about U.S. politics. I don't know much about Barack Obama.
I do know hope, optimism, and vision, which is what I get from this video. Regardless of your particular political persuasion, just watch the video and take the message..'Yes We Can'. Turn it into a subjective message for yourself... 'Yes I Can'. DO whatever it is you're afraid of, SAY whatever it is that you're afraid of, BE whoever you're afraid to be. If you're skulking in the shadows, let the message sink into you. 'Yes You Can'.
Today's favourite song; Will.I.Am 'Yes We Can'
6 March 2008
Sometimes I'm so close I can almost touch it, that elusive beast 'normality'. That simple little pot of gold at the end of the rainbow... everyday normal health.
But I've overdone it again. I spent too much time talking to a friend, too much time holding my niece, I drove that extra mile in my car..
And I am stopped in my tracks, pain and illness gearing up for their assault.
The fevers appear, cold flannels on my head. The pain surges, out come the pain killers. Insomnia descends, church bells checking the early hours. Energy disappears...
The episodes are getting less frequent, they are lasting for shorter periods, and yet as close as I am to the finish line, I have never felt closer to giving up. I-just-can't-do-this-anymore. I want to cry and cry and cry and rage against the pseudo-dying of my body. And suffer, how I suffer. How I want to be saved from this.
So I wait. I wait however many days it takes to subside. Patience... I need to be patient.
And slowly, surely, the attack ends. I get up again and peek my head back into the world; energy temporarily restored; wondering when the next time will be; hoping there won't be a next time. How I marvel at the sunshine, the opportunities that lie outside my front door. I step outside and embrace life again knowing just how lucky I am to get it back.
And I know that one day, I know, that I will emerge for good, seize the world with both hands and never look back...
Lucky, lucky me xxx
Today's favourite song: Cut Copy 'Lights and Music'
5 March 2008
Perhaps, as a nervous, fledgling photographer, it wasn't the best idea to look at what can only be described as jaw-droppingly AMAZING photography:
Jesh de Rox
As I surfed the above pages; in amazed silence, I felt like dropping my camera. I felt like why on earth would I even try?! Some images brought tears to my eyes, and I just couldn't imagine that any of my photos would ever, ever do that... to anyone.. anywhere... I felt so out of place, so clumsy in comparison, and my thoughts wandered round and round as I looked at my camera... Why?!
As my thoughts reached a full circle, the question was answered. I was back at the Beginning. And I remembered why I had picked up the camera in the first place..
It isn't about being good or bad, and it certainly isn't about competition. The raison d'etre is simple.. it is my journey into my world with my camera and my abilities.
no more, no less.
So, camera in hand..here I am, and here is my journey..
Today's favourite song: Cinematic Orchestra 'Build a Home'