I watched this video and with every word I nodded my head.
This was my experience. This was (and sometimes still is) my truth:
Courtesy of www.sleepydust.net
Today's favourite song: Babybird 'Back Together'
29 February 2008
27 February 2008
With M.E., you can't really 'do' things. And you spend A LOT of time by yourself.
A LOT of time quietly in a bed or on a sofa.
Understandably, it is difficult not to be filled with a profound sense of solitude: 'Out There', life continues apace whilst 'In Here', it is just you, your resting place, and your silence. You can't watch TV - it hurts your brain, you can't listen to music - it hurts your ears, you can't talk on the phone - it hurts your throat, you can't meet with anyone - you're just-too-tired.
So it's you, your sofa, and your friend silence...
... then in walks The Cat..
Olly the Cat.
A present from a loved one to keep you company. A ginger and cream Burmese dynamo. A Top Cat with the loudest miaow (and purr) in Catville.
You are no longer alone!
You can't talk to the cat (not in words anyway) you can't share your burdens with your cat (at least not if need a response) but you can be loved, can be snuggled with, can be purred at, and can be made to feel the most important person in the universe.
Life is different. You can't feel solitude because you have a permanent friend. You don't feel scared because the purring is too sweet, and whilst you can't do much else, you can help a little fur ball. You can give him a loving home, you can feed him the best food, you can play with him and groom him, and you can love him back. You can, at last, 'do'.
So, to the person who gifted me Olly the Cat, and for Olly the Cat himself, I express my deepest gratitude for making my (m.e.) life just that little bit better... xxx
Today's favourite song: Prefab Sprout 'Life of Surprises'
15 February 2008
Today, I took some photos!
I have taken photos for as long as I can remember. I have always had a camera. But I have never *taken* photos.
I have begun my journey into photography!
I snapped 100 times. Most of the shots soon made their acquaintance with the 'delete' button but nevertheless, I am thrilled with my fledgling attempt. I used an old (bashed) compact Kodak digital camera and the quality is er... not what it could be ... (I have images of pros sniggering into their viewfinders). Soon however, I hope to be getting my sticky little hands on a digital SLR camera...
As the characters in the show I'm watching are wont to say - Yay!
Today's favourite (happy) song: Martha & The Muffins 'Echo Beach'
Three days ago, I was attacked.
Ok, not by a shark!
And not physically either. It was a verbal attack.
The words used against me were particularly vicious. None of them were (or are) true of me. It was a crash between anothers' opinions and beliefs and mine. I actually respect their beliefs. They, it became apparent, do not respect mine.
What matters now is not what happened, but rather, who I became in the time that followed. It was a crucial moment. I asked myself this crucial question:
a) stay, acquiesce to their demands and deny mine.
b) recover, stand firm and choose me.
I chose me.
Today, I woke early, dressed, saw the blue of the sky, picked up my camera and walked.
I walked a long time. I took 100 photos. I breathed. I reminded myself of all the good in me and finally, I hugged a horse, and I went home.
Today's favourite song: Snow Patrol 'Set the fire to the third bar'.
12 February 2008
If I were the Editor of the Oxford English Dictionary.
I feel like I'm coming back to life.